The Cold Hard Truth

Several months ago, I was introduced to an amazing trainer named Brooke.  This gal is awesome with a capital A.  She somehow managed to get me out of my comfort zone at the gym, and tossed...no, threw me into the craziness that is known as Crossfit.  I used to watch the Crossfit classes, from a very safe distance...wayyyy on the other side of the gym on my safe elliptical machine...and be thankful I wasn't in there.  The workouts looked miserable and harder than anything I could imagine.  I thought, no I KNEW I could never do anything like that.

Three months later, I love Crossfit.  It instilled in me probably one of the most important elements of weightloss:  confidence.  As far as the regular female goes, I don't think I've struggled with body insecurity.  I know my size and I accept that.  If people have a problem with me because of my weight, then they can just go jump off a cliff for all I care.  I don't have time for those people.  However, I was not content on being a bigger person for the rest of my life.  Not only do I want to be healthy and fit for longevity reasons, but I care what "I" see when I look in the mirror.  And being a "Crossfitter" gave me the confidence I needed to tackle that goal.

Jason and I have a daily habit of weighing ourselves each morning.  The thing is, Jason either A) Has to be out of the bathroom when I step on the scale or B) I will literally move the scale so he can't see it.  Jason knew/knows I'm overweight, but he didn't know how much.  No one did, well except my wonderful doctor and my even more wonderful personal trainer.  Jason knew how insecure I was about that craptastic number that would show up on the scale each morning, so he didn't push me to tell him what it was.

However, Jason knows me.  He knows that I will punish and hate myself for each failure I let happen, so he makes sure he is there as my biggest support system.  He gently suggested that I tell him my weight, if only so I didn't have to deal with that knowledge alone.  I refused.  In true Kayla fashion, I flat out refused in the most stubborn way possible.  100% locked down like Ft. Knox.  Several days later though, I just knew I had to tell him my current weight AND my highest weight that I had just hit several weeks before (thanks to a poorly planned foodie weekend courtesy of Jason's birthday).

Let me tell you, since I told him my weight, I feel like a weight (no pun intended) has been lifted off my shoulders.  It was so hard to say those words.  I bawled like a baby and took about 10 minutes just to say a few simple numbers.  The secret was partially out though and it felt wonderful.  Instead of saying "I lost 2 lbs this week," I could say, "I weigh xxx amount."  And something about that made the successes that much more gratifying.

Well, here's the point of this post.  I feel like I need to be honest to my friends and family.  In order for me to move on, there has to be more accountability, like Jason told me.  So, here goes.  At my highest weight (about 3-4 weeks ago), I weighed 301.  Yep, you read it.  All 5'3" of me weighed 301. 

Now, on August 1st, I weigh 288.  That's still a lotta body to love, but for the record, that's 13lbs less than what I weighed several weeks ago.  I know people may think this a bit obsessive, but I weigh myself twice a day.  Once in the morning, and once before I go to bed.  This sort of cruel and unusal punishment keeps me on track and doesn't give me a whole lot of room to mess up.  Knowing I have to step on Mr. Jerkface Scale keeps me in line!

So, here's another confession.  Jason and I want to have kiddos in the next year or two and clearly I can not have children at this stage of unhealthiness.  Is that even a word?  Several weeks ago, I looked into getting set up with short-term disability/hospital indemnity in order to defray the costs of pregnancy/complications/hospital stays.  And guess what?  It was a no go.  I weigh too much.  Lame, I know.  Talk about a heaping portion of humble pie.

The wondeful insurance agent who was so sweet & supportive gave me the following breakdown for the insurance premiums vs. weight in lbs:
219-232:  75% premium increase
204-218:  50% premium increase
190-203:  25% premium increase
96-189:  Standard underwriting & no rate increase.

I'll tell ya what.  I LOVE when I have a clear set of instructions set out before me.  I know what I need to do, and where I need to get to.  It's the struggles along the way that is hard.    So there you have it folks.  My big secret is out!

Now, feel free to send happy calorie free thoughts my way.

Sham Days

Somedays, I really hate to work out and today was one of those days. I would have been perfectly content sitting at my desk all day. I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat and a bit of a headache. On the bright side, I got to see my sweet little nephew one more time before my sister and her family headed back to their neck of the woods. I sure hope the little one (or the parents for that matter) don't catch any of the bugs that seem to be floating around my house lately.

Anyway, back to feeling like crap. Yes, crap. There really isn't another word for it. I really can't decide if working out today, while feeling like crap, was a good idea or a bad idea. I got on the elliptical for 10 minutes and let me tell you it was a struggle to stay on there for 10 minutes. I was so bored and couldn't stand the thought of being on there for another 60 seconds. So, off to the treadmill I went. Walking just wasn't going to do the job, so I decided I would attempt another try at Couch to 5K Day 1 workout. Well, it could have gone better.

Let's go with the positives first. Technically, I should not make positives plural because I only discovered one good thing. The running wasn't nearly as torturous this time, so I guess my lungs are getting in better shape. Wahoo! Better lungs to yell at my husband with. YES! Onto the negatives. I only got through two running portions of the program. Yes, I was huffing and puffing and ready to fall down like a twig house, but that's not what stopped me. My dang ipod and shirt were driving me insane. I don't have an armband for my ipod, so I was holding it as I was trying to run and the cords from the earbuds kept whipping me in my face. It was awesome. And the tshirt? It kept creeping up and I kept having to pull it down. After about 10 minutes of that, I just said to heck with it and called it a day.

Lesson learned? 1) Get an armband for my ipod 2) On the days I plan on running, wear a big loose tshirt that won't ride up. Because the breathable shirts I typically wear just wasn't cutting it.

Oh, and one last thing. I found a GREAT way to lose an instant 4 lbs. Trade your old unreliable scale for a fanch schmancy new Biggest Losers scale. I LOVE my new scale. The first time on it, it told me I lost 4lbs. How sweet.

Evil Addictions

Hi. My name is Kayla, and I have an addiction. It's gotten pretty bad. It started out so innocent, like most addictions do. There was a sweet little voice in my head saying, "Go on...do it. Just one isn't going to hurt." And we all know you can't stop at just one. Well, now the addiction is out of control. While the sweet and encouraging voice was telling me to give into my temptation, there was a more rational/stable/ANNOYING voice (my husband) to tell me to be strong. I may or may not have told him to buzz off (that's the nice and edited version) and to leave me to my glutenous temptation. He promptly shut up. Smart man.

What is this addiction you wonder? Marshmellows and chocolate. You see, my addictions come and go. One week it's cheesies (what I call cheese melted on a corn tortilla), the next week it's saltine crackers...by the sleeve-full. This week just happens to be marshmellow and chocolate addiction week. And boy has it gotten brutal. It started out so innocently on Sunday night. I was tired, needing to relax, and just wanted some chocolate dang it. Actually, I felt the need (Yes, it was a need. Don't question it) for melted chocolate. Jason and I have a tradition of going out for fondue on our anniversary and I knew I couldn't wait another two months for melted chocolatey goodness, so I grabbed some chocolate chips, added a little bit of heavy cream, and let sweet sweet magic happen in my microwave. Ofcourse, you can't have melted chocolatey goodness without something to dip in, enter the marshmellows. I was kind enough to share some with my sweet husband.

Then came Monday night, which was a repeat of Sunday night.

Then came Tuesday night. Only this wasn't a repeat. Instead of just a few marshmellows, I got about 10 and double the chocolate. And I only shared one marshmellow with Jason and I had barely left any chocolate for him. It was a total kid caught with the hand in the cookie jar moment for me.

And I wonder why the scale isn't moving that much this week. Hmm...it's not rocket science. I know with absolute certainty that I will not be able to resist my latest addiction. I can already taste the wonderful silky chocolate....which is why I desperately IM'd my husband to ask/beg him to PLEASE hide the chocolate and marshmellows. Side note...my husband SUCKS at hiding stuff. I always find it. So, for the sake of smaller pant sizes, looking good in a bathing suit, and sunbathing with pride on vacation in St. Lucia, I really really really hope he hides it well this time :)

Reality Bites

For whatever reason, even though it's definitely not my style, I have always loved the movie Reality Bites. I have never been a fan of Ethan Hawke and I've been ticked at Wynona Ryder ever since she turned down Laurie's marriage proposal in Little Women. Okay, technically it was Jo that turned down Laurie's marriage proposal, but still, the role totally ruined it for me for Wynona Ryder. While the movie is full of actors I really can't stand (except for Steve Zahn...love that guy), I just really like it.

Well, this past weekend I had my own reality bites moment. I recently discovered Picasa, which by the way is the most amazing program out there. I don't know where it's been my whole life! Well, I was having fun editing some photos in Picasa when I came across some older files that had pictures of me in it. Wow. Talk about depressing. These are pictures that weren't taken all that long ago. I think the one that really annoyed me the most was the one taken about 5 years ago. Yes, I was overweight then, but the difference between then and now was like night and day. Honestly, it's so aggrivating to look at those pictures because I was not that far away from my goal weight at that point. And now? Well, now I am a LOONNNGGGG ways away.

So, without further ado, here is what I gave up on and where I am now.

Do you notice me?

Let me know that I am not alone! You know when you first start working out/change your diet (for the better), within a few days you are studying your every move in the mirror. You are looking for the tiniest change that your efforts are paying off. Worst case scenario, you may even be thinking you can already fit into the coveted pair of "skinny day jeans." And maybe, by some miracle, the scale will drastically drop 10 lbs. But it's only been a few days! I just hate how long it takes for results to show. Wouldn't it be nice if we would see some kind of results in the beginning, rather than weeks/months later? Ok, end of rant.

It was quite coincidental that I was ranting about results because I just happened to come across some very useful information on pinterest. I told you I was addicted! It said, "It takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice." Talk about putting time into perspective. So far, this seems to be pretty inline with what I have been experiencing. I believe it was last week (which was 3 or 4 weeks since I started working out) that I noticed maybe, just maybe my butt was getting smaller. I immediately asked my husband if this was true. I know, I know. You are NEVER supposed to ask your husband/boyfriend/brother/dad/any male if your butt has changed size/shape. However, I somehow seemed to snag the most brutally honest dude on the planet. Not only that, but he can't lie very well. So, I know when he's telling the truth and when he's fibbing. Are you wondering what his response was? It was a shrug of the shoulders followed quickly by going back to work on his math homework. Translation? No, it's not looking awhole lot smaller. Which means, I have about 4 more weeks of torture at the gym until he notices...Lovely.

Flaky Derailment

I'm a total flake. I went to the store last night to get the ingredients for Sassy Water, and I couldn't do it. I can promise you that if cucumbers and ginger are in my water, I would die of dehydration before I drank it. Seriously, what was I thinking? I don't care how sassy that water is, it just sounded downright gross. So, I went with Plan B. Good ol' high quality H20 with lemon slices. I'm sure it would taste even more freshing served by Bobby Boucher (kudos to those who got my lame attempt at a joke).

Last night my sister came up to me and asked if we could have a Sister Weekend. Basically, this means that we will laze around and be bums, work on crafts, watch WAY too many cheesy and poorly done Lifetime Movies, and eat way too much crap. Well, the hubs is out of town this weekend, so this is perfect timing for a sister weekend. In attempt to not completely derail the progress I'm making during the week, I REALLY need to be good on the weekends, but I wouldn't mind a few yummy splurges. Enter in my brilliant idea. I sweet talked my gym into giving me a 3 day pass that I'm going to give to my sister as a "little prize." Aren't I sneaky? Now I can drag her butt to the gym and torture her as part of our sisterly bonding. Muahahahaha

My latest addiction, and I mean ADDICTION is pinterest.com. I seriously need a 12 step program. I'm dragging everyone down around me. I even have my husband hooked. Well, last night, the hubs couldn't stop laughing and saying "Hun, you gotta see what I found on pinterest." And every...single...thing...he showed me, I had pinned. Oh man. That's sad. However, during my pinning frenzy, I found this quote, "I'm not losing weight. I'm getting rid of it. I have no intention of finding it again." Pure genious!

Sassy Water, Hmmm

I ran across something quite interesting today on Pinterest; a recipe for Sassy Water. What the heck is sassy water you ask? Basically it looks like a whole lot of yucko. However, if you are wondering, it's water (obviously) cucumbers, lemons, spearimint, and grated ginger that is steeped over night. If you could do away with the cucumbers and ginger, I might be excited about this, but sadly in order for this water to be sassy, I guess you need those two ingredients. Supposedly this recipe is part of the Flat Belly Diet, which I have never heard of. Honestly, I need some sass in my life (my husband might not agree), so I'm going to give this water a whirl, but not because I think my belly will magically shrink in a few days (one of the benefits of Sassy Water is banishing belly bloat).

I have a serious addiction to flavored water. You know how some people have that gene that makes green veggies taste bitter? I swear I have the nasty water gene. Arrowhead water makes me want to vomit, I turn my nose up at tap water, and I even get queesie at the taste of water from my water bottle. I know, weird, but I'm telling the truth. The only way I can stay hydrated during the day is to dump a Crystal Lite packet into my water bottle. Yummy, yes. Good for my body, no. I realized today that I only have one Crystal Lite packet left and immediately the panic set in (ok, not really panic). While I was tempted to run to the store after work to pick up some more, I realized this might be a great time to break the habit. However, I don't want to go cold turkey. Hence, the Sassy Water. Every review I have read says it's refreshing and quite delightful. I'm not completely sold that this water will be "delightful." If I find myself gagging over the cucumber and ginger taste, I'll just go for Plan B and guzzle lemon water. And who knows, maybe Sassy Water will be my new addiction!